Times are a-changin’ my friends! The dollar menu is no longer available, net neutrality is dead, Kylie Jenner is worth almost one billion dollars and teachers are being found innocent of fucking their students – what is the world coming to?
According to Bangor Daily News, former Kennebunk High School teacher Jill Lamontagne was recently found to be not guilty on 14 counts alleging that she had sex with one of her 17-year-old students. “It was no longer academic,” the York County assistant district attorney said during her trial, “it was sexual. This is about a person in a position of authority taking advantage of a student.”
28-year-old Lamontagne, however, took the stand to dispute the charges against her. According to Jill Lamontagne, the unnamed student in question had come to her for help throughout the year as he was struggling both academically and socially. “I was consantly trying to remind him and cheer him on,” she explained. “It had been a long five-ish months trying to get this kid to graduation, and getting him to believe in himself. So I was excited [at his graduation], I was proud of him.”
And as for the student’s claim that the pair had slept together, he wasn’t able to produce any concrete evidence of it – none of the texts between them could definitively be called “flirtatious” or “sexual,” and when asked about the details of their sexual encounters he didn’t quite have his story together. “Did he get every details right? No,” the assistant DA said during trial. “[But] would he remember the color of the couch or the oral sex?”
Um, probably – if your 28-year-old teacher is on her knees blowing you on her couch, you’re damn right I’m gonna remember everything. At 17 you’ve got years, YEARS of saving that memory in your spank bank, and you want to get every detail correct – right down to the two-minute break she had to take after he splooged and it went up her nose. The media never talks about it, but drowning from blowjob cum is a real danger that affects at least, like…three people a year? More people are inconvenienced by this than by sharks, but I don’t see Discovery dedicating a week to the most dangerous blowjobs of all time.
So which is it: is this kid a liar, or is Jill Lamontagne just really good at covering her tracks? Honestly, I’m leaning towards that the kid is just a little emotionally disturbed and lying – not only was he unable to accurately describe their encounters, but his parents have also filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the school district; nothing says "payday" like having your kid get sexually assaulted during detention, and if he's not willing to take one for the team then what's the point of having him in the family in the first place?