Mystery Man Takes Dump In Middle Of Kitchen And The Whole Office Explodes Trying To Figure Out Who Did It

Articles Jul 13, 2018 10:00

Little kids have the biggest advantage that barely any of them take advantage of: getting to shit anywhere you want without getting in trouble. Well, mild trouble – mom isn’t going to be thrilled when she comes home to find Little Betsy took a crap in her favorite teapot, but Betsy is going to get away with a little smack on the ass, whereas if you did that they’d call hazmat and arrest you for indecent exposure.

Guy Takes Dump In Middle Of Kitchen: A Shitty Situation

But one man was completely unfazed by the risks of letting his bowels run free with reckless abandon, as he went and took a shit on the floor in the office kitchen…

IT'S GOING DOWN AT WORK TODAY!!

SOMEONE HAS SHIT ON THE FLOOR. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. AN ACTUAL POO.

Updates to follow...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

…and then watched as the entire place began eating itself trying to figure out who, why, and what the fuck?

CCTV is being looked at, some nervous faces in the office..#ShitGate

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

The turd in question was found by the cleaner....IN THE KITCHEN!!!

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

We’re now all being asked to own up..

I’ve not seen this much excitement in the office since they released names and addresses of local peados.#ShitGate

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

THIS. IS. HAPPENING.

CCTV has been viewed. Tension is rising, some very worried faces around me.

People are turning on each other, speculation is through the roof!#ShitGate

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Sadly, the CCTV footage revealed absolutely nothing and was deemed “inconclusive,” leading the office to slowly fall apart in its own version of Lord of the Flies:

We've just been informed (quite oddly) that the turd was a formed mass, and not ass piss..

Not sure what to do with that information...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Management are currently bunkered down in the conference room. Can't help but feel if they reacted this quickly to peoples concerns, we wouldn't have a SHIT on our kitchen floor!

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Never seen people checking out their colleagues asses so much... Like there's gonna some remaining shite hanging from their pants...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Just witnessed someone lean over to their desk mate and actually SNIFF them...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

A FIGHT HAS BROKEN OUT.... I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

We work under extreme pressure every day.

Today, one turd has divided a company. One solitary, well formed poo, has broken us..

I just witnessed a colleague stand up and yell 'IF THIS ISNT RESOLVED BY KICK OFF, I'M GONNA SHIT ON YOU ALL' #ShitsComingHome

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Phones are ringing off the hook! No work has been done. Side fights are breaking out all over the shop.

What a day to be alive!

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

People are being sent home to ‘calm down’!!!

You can’t make this up!

One person just leaned over to me and said ‘I know who did it, I recognise the scent’!!!

Ahh Columbo, thanks for joining us...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

#ShitGate update:

Suspicions and speculation have gone into overdrive.

Current #1 suspect: the cleaner

Was this an attempt at the perfect crime? Was it smelt and dealt by the same person?

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

THE POO IS STILL IN THE KITCHN LIKE ITS A FUCKING CRIME SCENE!!!

Let me just get my chalk out and draw round it...

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

Guy Takes Dump In Middle Of Kitchen: The Mystery Is Solved

Finally, some intrepid detective managed to figure out who took the mystery dump.

THEY KNOW WHO DID IT?!?

The place is buzzing! Hush whispers ringing around the office. Friendships broken beyond repair.

And still, one little poo remains festering in our kitchen, like a tiny murder victim.

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

At this point I’m beyond excited. I woke this morning dreaming of England reaching the World Cup final. Now I sit in anticipation of who pulled down their cacks, squat and shat on our kitchen floor..

And still one question remains, where did they piss?

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

And in the end…

WE HAVE THE CULPRIT!!!

It was a disgruntled contractor who hadn’t been paid on time!

They have just been lead out the building, shamed in front of us all.

A chorus of ‘Shits Coming Home’ is ringing out in the office.

This has been a wonderful, wonderful day.

— shitty titty committee (@HanYolo14) July 11, 2018

…it was the contractor who did it.

Let that be a lesson to you folks: taking a shit in the kitchen is not a good way to get your paycheck delivered on time. It is, however, a magnificent way to bring the productivity of an entire office to a screeching halt, so if you’ve got something due in a few hours and you aren’t ready, you know what to do.

[H/T BroBible]

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