Why not just pour gasoline on a pile of money and play with matches a few feet away?
College is the best years of your life that you only sort of remember. Kind of like when you’re a kid and you blacked out all those embarrassing memories where you shit your swimsuit in public (definitely didn’t happen to me) or puked out a car window in the middle of the highway because you secretly ate an entire box of ho-ho’s before leaving (still not me). Only difference is that with college, you’re blacking out because you’re 18 and too stupid to know your alcohol limits, whereas as a kid you’re blocking out all these memories because you want to grow up to be a functional adult who doesn’t need to shell out $500 a week on therapy.
But one college kid, Kenneth Bachman, will be haunted by the memories he doesn’t have and will never recover. While out partying with friends one night in Morgantown near West Virginia University, Bachman decided he had reached his limit and that it was time to go home. Unfortunately for him he was also black-out drunk, and so when he ordered an Uber his drunk-self assumed it was taking him home. And technically it was – just not the “home” he was planning on crashing at that night.
“We went to a frat party and then went to the bar,” he explains to the NY Post. “I was getting drinks all night; I probably spent like $200 at the bar after already drinking all day. Basically, I kinda just blacked out.”
“The last thing I remember was being at the bar and then I just woke up in the Uber next to an old dude telling me I was an hour out from Jersey. I was just like, ‘That’s crazy. Why did you agree to take me to New Jersey from West Virginia?’”
Dumb question, easy answer – because his bill was $1600. Driving from Morgantown to Sewell, New Jersey (where Bachman is from), will take you about five hours. That’s $320 an hour that driver is making; factor in the 30% that Uber takes off the top and that driver made $1120 off one stupid trip. If he was smart, he’d ask the kid if he wanted to go back to Morgantown and pocket another $1120 for the drive back.
Via Google Maps
Bachman, however, doesn’t seem to fazed at the whole experience. “I’m heading back to West Virginia this weekend to pick up my bags, so if you guys see me, say, ‘What’s up!’” he joked.
And for those of you wondering – only ONE of those harrowing childhood memories is actually me. Can you guess which one it is?