30-Year-Old Deadbeat Millennial Who Refused To Move Outta Parents' Basement Offered Job With $1,101 Signing Bonus

Articles May 31, 2018 10:00

Michael Rotondo gives millennials a bad name.

Sure we're the generation infamous for eating avocado toast and who collect participation trophies like we do unemployment checks...but come on. This guy?

30-Year-Old Deadbeat Millennial Who Refused To Move Outta Parents Basement Offered Job With $1,101 Signing Bonus

I'm cool with being called a deadbeat, loser, lazy turd, fuckwad, etc. -- you name it, throw it my way. But comparing me to this motherfucker who hasn't taken a shower since the Berlin Wall fell? Yeah, no. I've gotta draw the line here.

Michael Rotondo Is Every Parent's Nightmare

In case you haven't been keeping up with the current reason to hate on millennials, that guy is Michael Rotondo. Michael is 30 years old and lives at home with his parents in upstate New York. If that's not enough to make your sex drive completely shrivel up and die, Michael is also:

  • Unemployed
  • Has a child to whom he lost visitation rights with in the past year, AND
  • Currently in the process of being evicted by his parents.

Nothing says "thriving" like having every area of your life slowly crumble!

Whereas most people in his situation would've hung their head in shame and Googled the nearest homeless shelter, Michael decided to throw a fit. After some poor soul finished changing his diaper, he then got his name in the papers for being a pathetic fuck and pocketed an easy $3,000 from Alex Jones in exchange for an interview on Info Wars. Does Alex Jones even have $3,000 to give away? The sad part here is that I can't decide which cause is a better waste of money: Alex Jones and his "journalism," or this dude eating instant ramen in his boxers all day. Normally I would post the interview, but that would indirectly be giving Alex Jones money. I think we can all agree that the sooner he fades into obscurity, the better -- even he agrees.

30-Year-Old Deadbeat Millennial Who Refused To Move Outta Parents Basement Offered Job With $1,101 Signing Bonus

But because there are people my age who've been searching for work for months on end, it only makes sense that Rotondo gets offered a job for being a worthless, lazy pile of crap.

Michael Rotondo: Italian Kitchen Extraordinaire

"At Villa, we feel for millennials across the board," Villa Italian Kitchen wrote on their Facebook wall. "Michael, we're offering you a store-level gig, completely with extensive training to get you up to speed at any one of our 250 locations worldwide. We heard your parents offered you $1,100 to get out. We'll do you one better. Literally, one. Offer from us is on the table for $1,101 to come join our team. Consider it a signing bonus."

Life isn't fair in that Rotondo is literally being offered free money to do what will probably equate to him getting fired in the first week, but can we really complain? Dude looks like he washes his hair with crisco and sniffs panties he bought off Craigslist for a living. And if the guaranteed job has got your jimmies rustled into overdrive, take solace knowing that he's currently in the process of packing up his room and moving into a storage unit. He's gotta be out of his parents' basement by Friday at noon: "'Looking around my room and stuff - how much more is all this going to take to pack?' Rotondo said, noting he wasn't experienced in packing up.

Once he finishes that in the next few days, Rotondo said he'll move everything into a self-storage unit...

'There's no more urgency after that,' he added. 'Everything else is just finding a long-term place...someplace inexpensive, with internet," he said of his wish list.'"(via) No matter how shitty your life is, at least you now have someone to point at and say "At least I'm not THAT."

[H/T Syracuse.com]

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